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Jess

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guilt [18 Jun 2007|04:09pm]
[ mood | cold ]

"Ignorance is Bliss and bliss is beautiful."

Do you ever have one of those moments in life where it could go either way. Where life could go one way and your luck runs out or the other way and you get lucky like in the movie Matchpoint?

Well guess am having one of those moments and am just waiting to see what happend and whether I'm to blame for something? I have a gut feeling something else has happened but then I have that gut guilty feelings and only have myself to blame that I could have been the cause. Only time will tell and then again it could be one of those cases of cold feet and chinese whispers on a rumour and tassie being small things can spread quickly. Well I know the honeymoons cancelled, unsure about anything else though. Either way I feel guilty over my actions these past couple of months.... and then it hit me....

Rumours are going around in the festival office and you don't know what to believe. I jsut feel like tonight drowning my sorrows with a bottle of wine with my boyfriend and trying to forget about things and say tomorrow is another day.

Am in production week and am stage managing again this weekend, am going out for dinner on Wed for my bf's birthday and my mum will finally meet his parents, so yes guess in some ways relationship is getting a little serious. Have been going out since late January, so 5 months so far, but then am struggling with the whole committment thing at the moment and staying focused.

1 year in larkhall| get banged up

[16 Jun 2007|01:38pm]
[ mood | cold ]

" If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking" - Closer

Am having a relaxing day today, saving energy for next week. Went out last night with some friends and have just slept in. Catching up with a friend for coffee at 3 in north hobart and then later am going to a bbq/party with my boyfriend for one of his friends.

Just watched behide the scenes feature of American Beauty dvd and made me think of an assignment I did for Art Theory in 2002 as part of my fine arts degree.

And so has made me think about my degree and where it has taken me. It's been one of those weeks where I am unsettled,where winter has gotten the better of me with my moods and once again I am left wondering what to do. It feels like at the moment I've kind of being doing things, gig to gig with no real direction,just kind of floating in the industry and seeing where it takes me. I am now at that point where things need to change. Where I need to grow up a bit and figure out my goals, money, where am best to be ect.

I am stubborn and have strong work ethics and therefore because I've been fighting for so long for work in the industry and am persistent, I have become not willing to work in other areas just for the money. Because funnily enough my work ethic is to do work for the passion and what you love then for the money, hence the reason why am in the arts. I don't see the point in doing something where I am going to get bored quickly and quit.

I was in a mood and was complaining about work, lack of it in tas at the moment to my boyfriend and he said, as my parents and job people would say and that is to look for work in other areas am not qualified in. But I kind of say then where's the point in that and investing your time doing what you don't want to do just for money. I'd rather be stay on centrelink until I find enough work in the arts to be happy. I value my happiness over nearly everything else.

And so I've come to that point in my life where I need to seriously think about a few things instead of just drifting in my mid twenties and hoping it will sort it self out. Have realised that I have to make it happen and get real.

All I ever want is to keep working in the arts doing what I love and make a living from it, is it so much to ask for?

1 year in larkhall| get banged up

[16 Jun 2007|01:24pm]
" If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking" - Closer

Am having a relaxing day today, saving energy for next week. Went out last night with some friends and have just slept in. Catching up with a friend for coffee at 3 in north hobart and then later am going to a bbq/party with my boyfriend for one of his friends.

Just watched behide the scenes feature of American Beauty dvd and made me think of an assignment I did for Art Theory in 2002 as part of my fine arts degree.

And so has made me think about my degree and where it has taken me. It's been one of those weeks where I am unsettled,where winter has gotten the better of me with my moods and once again I am left wondering what to do. It feels like at the moment I've kind of being doing things, gig to gig with no real direction,just kind of floating in the industry and seeing where it takes me. I am now at that point where things need to change. Where I need to grow up a bit and figure out my goals, money, where am best to be ect.

I am stubborn and have strong work ethics and therefore because I've been fighting for so long for work in the industry and am persistent, I have become not willing to work in other areas just for the money. Because funnily enough my work ethic is to do work for the passion and what you love then for the money, hence the reason why am in the arts. I don't see the point in doing something where I am going to get bored quickly and quit.

I was in a mood and was complaining about work, lack of it in tas at the moment to my boyfriend and he said, as my parents and job people would say and that is to look for work in other areas am not qualified in. But I kind of say then where's the point in that and investing your time doing what you don't want to do just for money. I'd rather be stay on centrelink until I find enough work in the arts to be happy. I value my happiness over nearly everything else.
get banged up

bell shakespeare [08 Jun 2007|05:45pm]
Hey there,

Been an interesting week. Got my bell shakespeare fix last week and saw on thurs night Macbeth in the lovely Theatre Royal. Was in the front row of the gods/gallery. Was ok, lighting was awesome, but thought main actors could have done a better job, as have seen them act better. Think now have seen over 5 bell shows now and worked on one and went to opening night after drinks to 2 shows (Comedy of Errors and Wars of the Roses). And was funny seeing bell in hobart, as reminded me of last time saw bell was in sydney, servent of two masters at sydney theatre, opposite where i was working, stc. Yes that's right the STC.

And something else that made me think of sydney when at the theatre royal last week, was fact that one of the actors on stage I worked with in sydney at the old fitz theatre stage managing.

Yes actors staying on stage in the wings, side of stage while others on CS area is very Bell Shakespeare.
I have seen Henry 4 (Theatre Royal), worked on and saw Comedy of Errors (Theatre Royal). In Melbourne saw Wars of the Roses, went to meet and greet at the arts centre, saw show and went to opening night drinks and saw show for free. Then later on in melb, at arts centre went and saw Measure for Measure. Then in sydney saw The Servent of Two Masters. And also saw Moby Dick as part of Ten Days Fest 05. So beat that Amy :) But then again I do work in the industry, so it's all good :)
get banged up

[06 Jun 2007|04:09pm]
[ mood | tired ]

It's been a busy day on 5 hours sleep.

Had a fringe meeting last night and then went to wax lyrical at the telegraph and watch some friends play music. Was awesome and caught up with a friend and didn't get home til 3am after listening to a friend play his music at his place on the piano. I also learnt how to play Halleluah. Was very cool and inspired to now play a musical instrument again.

I have a combination of music in my head, lovely local music and interstate melbournian music.

Got some photos developed yesterday including a very awesome pic of me and Adam Hills (Spicks and Specs). So will be another photo and autograph to add to the collection of celebs have either met or worked with. Not bad for a tassie girl.

Went to a Independant Contractors meeting at 9am and then caught up with some friends and had breakfast in lovely salamanca. The weather today is typical autumn weather. The power at SAC went out today too, which I thought was a little amusing :)

This week has kind of been busy and just doing things at my own pace and some things happening which has been spontaneous and nice.

get banged up

[14 May 2007|02:38pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

It's been an interesting day. Finally paid my phone bill off, overdue by a week, have to go into telstra tomorrow and sort out my account. Paid for my first aid course and handed up my assessment. Went to tafe in town to sort out my event course.

Am still recovering from working two days straight and working odd hours. Worked 1 - 10pm on friday without a break, then on sat/sun worked 8pm - 4am and then relaxed on Sunday.

Has been a productive day today in some ways and still feel like am half asleep despite drinking two coffees.

Am still waiting from dad for the news about my nan, all a waiting game. I hate waiting for bad news.

get banged up

[12 May 2007|06:22pm]
Howdy people,

I'm currently watching Casino Royale special features dvd and am waiting for dinner and then to go to work to work for 8 hours playing with lovely staging equipment. Alot of physical work but beats going to the gym :)

I went and saw Josh Pyke a couple of weeks ago at the Republic, was singing along in the mosh pit and got a tshirt and album signed afterwards. He also remembered me from working with him in Sydney on the Newtown Festival in 2005.

My dad is back in New Zealand at the moment in hospital with my grandmother, as my grandmother is dying. I found this out on Monday, was when it hit me and I got very emotional.
2 years in larkhall| get banged up

[13 Mar 2007|10:43am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I love my friends but it angers me when they don't include me in things, like going to the movies or movie nights. Strangely enough it doesn't just anger me but also another friend of mine too.

On the other hand, it was good to spend the weekend hanging out with my bf and went out sat night with him, his housemates and Laura, which was nice to spend time with.

Yesterday we went to the Taste of the Huon and I showed Abs where I use to live in Crabtree, huon valley area. Then we went shopping and cooked dinner for housemates and his parents. Was nice but drank 3 glasses of red wine and felt a bit funny afterwards.

This week am sorting out my private health insurance and starting to study for my l's test and also going to a few loud music gigs at the lark and mayf. Weekend am spending with Abs and then on Sun we are going to see the lovely Adam Hills. Yeah. Go you big red fire engine as he would say.

1 year in larkhall| get banged up

Fear and Jess's theatre rant [09 Mar 2007|11:01am]
[ mood | tired ]

" You can act from anger,
you can act from pride,
you can act from love,
you can act from the desire to prove something and
you can act from a need to eat. And of course
you can act from joy.
But no one can act from fear." - Lorna Marshall, is theatre website

I discovered this on my favourite website and wanted to put it here as not only does it relate to acting and the power of it and why I love acting but also relates to FEAR.

There is also another saying which I remember reading somewhere which is along the lines of feel the fear and do it anyway. And so it is at a time where for once I have had spare time and know what I should be doing but have been avoiding it and finding other things to do to fill in the time instead of facing my fear of driving and picking up the drivers handbook. I seem to be better at telling people at what I am going to do then actually doing it.

I have a few fears, this and some to do with work and the future of the theatre industry here in tassie. I sometimes feel like screaming at tassie audiences to wake up and get out there and support the arts. I feel like screaming at people when they don't mention the arts in various things. Like a event course I did last year in the Hobart Grand Chancellor. Which was great but what annoyed me was when they were saying and giving us a tour they said they are close to the whafe and restraurants and market and gallery. Yet didn't mention 5 min walk is Australia's oldest working theatre, the Theatre Royal. And yeah I maybe bias because I work in the industry and it's what I live for, but surely it doesn't take much to mention the arts and not just the visual arts.

Having this time off has been good, time to think, but also not so good. As it gives me time to think about the future and it scares me. Another fear i have.

get banged up

the week [05 Mar 2007|05:09pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Hi everyone,

It's been one of those days where I've got things done but have felt like most of the day I've still been half asleep.

I went to bed last night around 11pm ish after watching my favourite episodes of Black Books from the first series, episode 3 and 5 and then I watched some of a sbs indian movie set in Melbourne. Which was typical bollywood and hilarious. Wanted to keep watching it but decided I needed sleep from the late nights before.

It's been a productive day, did some cleaning, general housework, have had a major cleaning frenzy which means my time of the month is soon and also received in the mail my keypass which now means I have updated photo id to say I'm over 18. YEAH.

I also joined the MEAA last week for work, so I am now part of a union.

Tomorrow I plan on studying for my l's test to get my driver's license, to sort out my budget, savings ect and to work out my private health insurance. Am also tomorrow catching up with a friend in the evening and then going to a fringe meeting. Wed night am going to the republic to see a friend play and then on Thurs I have a double date with my bf and two of his housemates. Friday have a dr's appointment and then am catching up with a friend. Sat have to go to the Backspace and then spending Sat night with my bf. Sunday unsure what doing and monday is a public holiday. So that's my week planned.

In two weeks I get to see Adam Hills again at the Theatre Royal and the following month am seeing with my bf at Wrest Point Casino Dylan Moran. Yeah bring on the comedians I say.

It's been good having a break and sorting things out in my own time and finally getting stuff done under little pressure.

1 year in larkhall| get banged up

[02 Mar 2007|12:19pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm at home watching the movie Imagine Me and You on the pc while I try and work out my private health insurance and it's all a little confusing.

Well I finally have a boyfriend and have been seeing him for a month now and he is lovely and I like him alot, which is weird and nice at the same time. It's weird being in a relationship too as haven't had one for awhile.

The weather in tas is wet and humid, rather annoying really :(

I watched last night the Melb International Comedy Gala of 2006, was good except the dvd player had trouble reading the last comedy act Tim Minchin's lovely song about canvas bags. The dvd kept skipping yet was fine up until that point. Hmm maybe the dvd player didn't like Tim Minchin and appreciate using canvas bags for shopping then plastic bags.

I have been busy working throughout Jan on the Hob Comedy Festival and just finished working on Catapult at Parliament Lawns and so now am having a bit of time out to concentrate on other things before I do more work in March and April.

Have decided not to do anymore studying this year and to concentrate on other things in my life like getting paid work in the industry, getting my car license and improving my health ect.

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow morning and then to visit my mum with my bf and then going to a party in the evening. Sunday will be recovering and relaxing in good company.

So far the year is going ok and so for now it's all good.

get banged up

pondering, friends and problems, christmas plans [17 Nov 2006|04:21pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

" They say home is where you find it. Will this place ever satisfy me?" - Island Home, Christine Anu

I've had this song in my head since yesterday morning when I attended the launch of the fantastic festival Ten Days On The Island 2007.

And now am listening to it on you tube, a clp from the Sydney Olympics of Christine Anu singing My Island Home.

Yes I am left ponding this question every day, as to whether tassie will satisfy me or will I always be searching and looking for something better. Something like Melbourne or Sydney. And always question whether I'm better off to move back to Melbourne or to stay here in tassie.

At the moment I'm seeing which way the wind blows. If I keep getting offered paid work then I'll stay for next year. If my health keeps improving then I'll be equipped to either stay or go. If I don't get offered enough work then I'll either move to Melbourne or find work in another area. I'd rather move to melbourne then get work in another area here and be unhappy.

I just read a friend's lj and it was an interesting read and made me think. But it's also brought up stuff again and once again I feel like piggy in the middle again in the situation. I won't say much about it, but it's between two friends and me in the middle because I was there at the time when things changed. I love my friends and would do anything for them. I'm a friend that would stick by them no matter what and listen to what they have to say and be there for support. I'm a loyal friend. But I feel like I'm in the middle, as I'm friends with both of them and they are now not talking to each other and in a way I feel like because I was there I should be the one to improve things maybe. I can see both sides of the situation, as I've heard it, yet feel disempowered to do anything about it. Maybe because it's fear of loosing my friends for if I say the wrong thing to them to try and fix things. Maybe it's because I don't want to take sides on the argument. All I want to do is help, but don't know how or whether I should help or whether it's one of those things in life where with time it eases things so their easier to bear and cope with later on. I know the only way to fix things is through communication and talking about the situation and finding a resolution, but that's a bit difficult when neither want to talk to each other about it, or one does want to talk but the other doesn't and tries to deal with it her own way. Which is admirable but sometimes you realise with problems that they are better shared then dealing on your own. And how do I know this ? We'll because I've been at rock bottom, I've ran away from problems, I did last year and realised the hard way the problems follow you, no matter how far away you think you are from them. I've hit rock bottom through grief and am now dealing with depression. On medication and seeing a psychologist to get my life back on track so I can keep living and moving forward with more optimism.

I love my friends to bits and now realise that the only way the problem can be fixed is by them talking to each other about it to resolve it. But I can't see this happening unless they want it. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And in this case the saying is true. I can be supportive, a good listener, give them guidance. But in the end it's them that can make a difference in the situation.

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 25 years old. Catching up with a friend tonight to celebrate. Went shopping with my mum today and she brought me a watch for my birthday. Visited my grandparents today and they gave me some money.

Am catching up with a friend tomorrow for breakfast, but I suspect it will be a hangover breakfast if last friday was anything to go by. Then dunno what doing rest of day but thought maybe catching up with my mum and little sister on the farm in the evening.

Found out a couple of weeks ago my dad, step mum, step brother, step sister and husband are going to bali for christmas. Funny they didn't ask me whether I wanted to go with them for a family holiday. And so haven't rang dad or spoken to him for awhile and will see if he rings me tomorrow for my birthday, which he will, I just am a little pissed off with them. And so since they haven't asked, am going to see if can house sit for them while there away... I thought about trashing the place. But think will just give them the silent treatment instead and throw a few parties at the place instead. Mum was shocked today when I told her too. As she asked me what I was doing for christmas. It's like well wanted to spend it with my father in tassie but he's going away to bali without me instead so will be going to mums instead. If dad would pay me, I'll go to bali as I can't afford it without raiding my savings and then not having any money for awhile. So will spend christmas with mum and my little sister.

2 years in larkhall| get banged up

[07 Nov 2006|08:56pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Hi everyone,

How's it going? Am filling in time in my fav net cafe in hobart while I wait for the bus. Just had a fringe meeting and it went well, we're on the right track, YEAH!!!

Have been busy, finishing my course, starting another, doing sound for a few gigs (How did that happen?) and managing the lovely backspace theatre and doing a few gigs and moveing back to my other place in Taroona. Which is weird but good at the same time. Good as I love the company and being around my lovely housemates and the crazy cats. But will be weird going to sleep and not being able to hear the waves on the beach or go outside and smell the beach. Funny the things you get use to while housesitting. But then again I have been sitting near the beach for about 6 months and for me it's been like a mini holiday and it was much needed I think. A change of scenery and all that.

Must dash and catch a bus

Jess

get banged up

[07 Sep 2006|09:40pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Hi all,

How's it going? Well it's been a busy month with heaps going on but it's been all good. And it's great to have this week off and recharge my batteries before I do more gigs next week. Two gigs next week ! Yeah and one of them is paid, so even better.

Well the school musical went well. (Smiles, cheekly to self as remembers). It did honestly go well. It was weird being back at my old school, it was familiar yet I had felt like I had changed since I had left and that was a good thing. Met and worked with an interesting guy too and he now makes me question guys and their behaviour. So don't think it's right for a guy to lead a girl on and then a few days later tell them that he has a girlfriend. Still it's all good, as I got him back the other day for what he did and chances are am working with him again in October, so can give him heaps then too. Argh. So don't get guys.

I have been flat out working and studying, playing with lights, learning about them and venue managing.

Am enjoying work at the moment and have been in the Mercury twice in a month. Yeah any publicity is good publicity. Was in the paper on Monday and last month in a group photo for another gig. So I am getting recognised finally. And it's easier to get in the paper here too then in Sydney too.

On other note, have been spending some time with friends and family which is great and am gradually working through stuff with my councellor which is helping too.

take care

Jess

2 years in larkhall| get banged up

[31 Jul 2006|04:15pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Hey everyone,

How's it going, been a lazy day. Had a meeting in town and then watched on dvd Beauty and the Beast, as am working on the school musical of it at my old school. Was weird watching it again as haven't watched it since 1991 when was 10 years old! Am now watching the ending of the movie Imagine Me and You before I go to where am house sitting and get ready to out and work again on another show.

Yesterday was busy, rehearsals for school musical in the morning, then operated lighting for a show late afternoon and then caught up with some friends and fixed a lighting problem.

Sat was good, watched Bend it like Beckham with a friend then went out for dinner with some friends.

It's been an interesting month, July has been. About facing up to bad choices I made under the influence and working through the consequences. About change and renewal and starting again.

I've starting stage managing again which is good to finally feel like doing it again as shows my confidence is coming back. Have been busy with my lighting and course and was in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago too.

I now have the song Imagine Me and You in my head and rememner singing it for speech night at school in grade ten Ithink.

1 year in larkhall| get banged up

[02 Jul 2006|04:25pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Hello everyone,

Well it's been awhile since I last updated on here and so thought while had the time would update. Been an interesting winter and past couple of months to say the least.

Have been housesitting by the water in taroona which has been great to have my own space and spread out my stuff and not feel so crammed and chaotic, but the house is bloody freezing. So power bill will be huge when it comes in.

Well work and study is going ok, tafe started back 2 weeks ago and so my lighting design is progressing at a steady pace at the moment. Though have a production management assignement which is due on the 11th July, so will have to do it this week coming before things get more hectic. Got some paid work this week doing bar waork in a theatre which was nice and I did ok and got to see the show three times for free and so wasn't complaining. Am working this friday coming doing the lighting for an impro theatre group this week. And then am continuing doing my venue management too.

And also discovered the other day, a picture of me on the internet, one from my friend's lj and another with a theatre company I work with.

What else has been happening? Well am feeling a little better with my moods, was diagnosed a month ago with depression and so have been seeing a psychologist once a fortnight and my doctor once a fortnight too and am taking some medication to help.

Hasn't been easy coming back here to tas after being interstate, but am feeling ok at the moment and am starting to think a little more positively and starting to get that confidence back that I lost in Sydney. It just takes time. I have good and bad days.
I have decided too to apply to VCA again too and will have an interview sometime in early november again. And so have been saving money since I came back and so far am doing ok. Just have to keep saving and budgeting but either way have decided where I need to be next year and am starting to get my inner drive back to get there. And so am seriously thinking about moving to Melbourne next year sometime again. Because I'm sick of hearing about shows and not being able to jump on a bus and see them. I'm sick of getting annoyed at hearing about a show I want to see and hearing that it's not touring to Hobart. I want to be able to catch a bus, tram and go and see a variey of different productions and be involved with them and be where there are opportunities to gain further experience at a high standard.

2 years in larkhall| get banged up

[26 Apr 2006|11:17am]
[ mood | cold ]

I don't know whether it's the weather or a build up of things all been bottling up inside for awhile and am now at breaking point.

I now realise I'm doing too much, trying to take on too much to keep distracted and busy to fill in time, so am not reminded of melbourne and sydney. But now realise I need to do less and just take a step back and gradually do stuff again at my own pace, like I did in Melbourne. I need to spend more time on myself looking after myself and getting better.

I tend to have a habit of bottling up my problems to my friends and family because I think they have their own problems to worry about and don't need the burden of worrying about mine and so I bottle it up for ages and then something usually triggers it off and I just break down, get over emotional, dramatic and fall in a mess. And then in a few days time I just keep going as if nothing happened and sweep it under the carpet. And now realise this isn't the best thing to do and that I should probably find better ways of dealing with my stress.

And so have booked myself two appointments tomorrow to see different psychologists to see if they could help me.

2 years in larkhall| get banged up

[25 Apr 2006|05:29pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Well spent the afternoon, had planned on doing some homework and cleaning my room, but instead went for a walk to my grandparents house. Had a talk to them, collected mail and my grandfather made me a H stand for a show am working on next week. So now all I have to do is paint it black. Also caught up with one of mum's friends and my uncle and that was nice.

Tried to ring my doctor in kingston so I could book an appointment to then get a refferal to she a shrink but them realised it's Anzac Day and so will try again tomorrow morning. And will keep ringing mum and see who she recommmends I see and get some details from her and will ring them tomorrow for an appointment. Me thinks sooner rather then later.

I don't know whether I'm just over emotional because of hormones or the weather or whether its something else, I just know I haven't been happy since I got back and have tried doing different things to try and overcome it, but deep down isn't really helping.

I had someone the other day give me a bible after I went to a church service to check the lighting out. The group have asked me to do the lighting for the services and said I would and so as don't know the desk thought might be a good idea to find manual on the net and go to a service to get the gist of what it's all about. And I got emotional during the service and was prayed for and so they took it literally and gave me a bible. And then realised the next day why I was emotional and can blame it on PMT and hormones. And some how don't think either God can help me out with my problems either. Think I need to see someone again to just offer me some strategies and guidance to find ways to stay motivated.

I hate winter and I miss Melbourne :(

get banged up

These are the days...... [25 Apr 2006|12:28pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Hi there,

It's been one of those weeks and days where things all seem to happen at once and I seem a bit overwhelmed and lost with what to do.

For the past week, last week, was working on a show, lighting design and operator and tech manager and it was a fun show to work on and I enjoyed it and what the company is doing. But it was frustrating as well working with them. Frustrating in which I saw things weren't being done by the SM and got frustrated and so took it upon myself to do it. Frustrating in which, in some ways there was no clear roles or defined roles in production. Sometimes I wish I could just work on a show properly from start to finish as say a LX designer/operator and not have to be responsible for anything else. Where I know what my job is and can just concentrate on that and not on anything else in the production.

It's also frustrating working and having to educate a company on lighting and how it impacts their show ect. I don't know what's worse, working with a director whose old school and tries to tell you how to do your job or working with one and a company where your there teaching them. I find it hard at the moment teaching them when I'm still learning myself and still don't trust myself enough nor have the confidence in my abilities yet.

Yes things seem to happen in threes they say.... I got a cold and my period the same day, not happy :(
I am emotional, got really emotional last night and have been past few days. Things just come back to me and it's all overwhelming and feel like giving up. And so have decided that maybe I need to see a counsellor again to try and help me get my life back on track, am just a bit worried with money.

It seems since I got back to tas, all I've been doing is searching for something, maybe a sense of belonging, my motivation but maybe more importantly my happiness back.

Funny thing is last time I can say I was truly happy was when I was in Melbourne. I've had moments where I've been happy but they have been short lived.

It feels here at the moment, I'm just going through the motions, filling in time, saving money so I can then bugger off later on back to Melbourne. Am thinking about moving back there, but won't be til the end of the year, early next year, as my contract as venue manager goes until december.

Someone said the other day to me that I must be happy now that I'm doing what I love and getting paid for it. But funnily enough, it's great that I am getting paid for it and I am thankful for it, but it feels like there's something missing and now realise that yes money helps but it doesn't make you happy. There's more to life.

I've finally decided to exhibit some of my artwork for an exhibition later in the year in August. I decided to last night, when I was at The Lounge gathering, part of the queer community, where strangely I seem more like myself when I am around the community and with my friends outside of the community.
The exhibition, Artfully Queer is about a sense of belonging in the queer community in tassie. I thought it'd be a good thing to do, therapy I guess and to be creative again.

I have a few creative ideas for projects to do and have started thinking seriously about them, but will see what happens. Am thinking about staging a play I worked on in Sydney here in tas maybe sometime next year, depending on how things go. Have also thought about a lighting project to do and will be attending a seminar in mid may which may help me out with the project. But these are only half ideas. I seem to have so many ideas and half finished projects at the moment.

I find it hard to settle at the moment, doing one thing, maybe it's because I'm looking for that excitement and busyiness that I had in Melbourne and Sydney, that seem to lack here and so am doing new things to keep me busy and distracted here in tas to fill in time so am not thinking about leaving so much.

get banged up

[04 Apr 2006|06:11pm]
[ mood | cold ]

<td align="center"> Jess --
[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
2 years in larkhall| get banged up

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